March 26, 2013

Don't forget about me, I'm still down here

dancing at our wedding

I woke to my alarm this morning, and for a blissful and fleeting moment, I'd forgotten everything. That sweet ignorance before you're fully awake and aware, while everything is still warm and safe and OK.  But realization soon washed over me, and I remembered. My grandma passed away yesterday. Suddenly. Unexpectedly. A blood vessel burst in her brain. My grandpa found her collapsed in their home in Oregon on Sunday, and ten or so minutes after my mom arrived at the hospital to join her dad and brother Monday afternoon, my grandma was gone. She'd been waiting for her family to all be there, it seemed.

I tend to deal with grief by getting angry. After Edd passed, one year ago tomorrow, I would get angry when friends or aqcuaintances felt what I thought was an inappropriate level of grief for an "old" person. They'd lived a long life, they'd had what everyone hopes for. Their time wasn't cut short at a too-young age, like Edd's was and like many others younger than even him. We all hope to live to be old, right? And death is a natural part of life. That should provide some solace and peace, I thought. And it does, a little, but I now have more compassion and the understanding that a loss is a loss, no matter how full the life. This loss of my Grandma, my sweet, sweet and wonderful Grandma whom I just saw three weeks ago, has been a kick in the stomach that has left me without breath. With Edd it was horrible and traumatic and I cried a million tears, but there was time to emotionally prepare, in a way. But my Grandma was perfect and healthy one moment, and dying and gone the next.

I had such a wonderful time with her when they visited three weeks ago... she had an extra sweetness about her, and a few times while she was here she wrapped me up in a hug that lingered, and she rocked me back and forth and said "I love you sooooo much." I held her arms and told her how very soft her skin was and that she smelled like Grandma (my favorite smell). She showed me her new Kindle Fire (she always had the latest technology... coolest Grandma ever), and we had Hungarian Beef and Cabbage their last night here, and talked about the past and their memories. The next day I wrote this post, and my mom found it printed out on their kitchen counter when she got there yesterday.

I just can't believe my dear and wonderful Grandma is gone, the kindest woman I've known. A part of my life my whole life. I took her for granted. Never thought she'd go this soon. My sweet, sweet Grandma. My heart breaks for my Grandpa, who will be lost without her after 60 total years together, and for my mom... to suffer this incredible loss at exactly the one year mark since she lost her husband. "I lost my two greatest fans," she said. And it seems so unfair and so random and so mean. It makes me angry. I hope to come away from this place of anger, because I don't like to be here.

I had planned to write a one year memorial post for Edd this week, but I think now I need to just take a little time off from blogging. The rest of the week, at least, and then we'll see.

This song below is beautiful and a huge comfort. Last night I took a bath to calm me and sipped a glass of wine left over from the bottle of my Grandma's Beringer White Zinfandel, her favorite.  There was just enough left for one big glass, and I needed that last night. Thanks for saving it for me, Grandma. And I listened to this song, and my tears were as hot as the bath water and wouldn't stop coming.



In the Holy Kingdom 
angels sing a hymn
For all your good behavior 
they handed you your crown and wings
You don’t feel the sorrow; 
there’s no pain or fear
Don’t forget about me, don’t forget about me
I’m still down here 
in the shadowland, here where there’s doubt
Here where we must learn to live 
with what we live without


PS - thank you all for your incredibly kind comments on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook yesterday. I appreciated them all more than you'll ever know.

105 comments:

  1. So sorry for the loss of your beautiful grandma =(
    May the memories bring you comfort in your time of grief!

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  2. I've dealt with terrible loss and had your same feelings of anger and confusion about the losses of others. But in the end, none of that comparison matters. Take care of yourself and your mom and your grandpa and your family. Edd will keep your grandma company until you can see them both again. Sending you love from Houston, Jenni.

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  3. :( I am so sorry for your loss Jenni. I lost my grandfather last year- he was the role model of every person in my family. I still have days where I break down remembering he is gone. It doesn't matter how old they are, its okay to mourn and feel like the time was never enough. Hugs and a prayer for your family today. x

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  4. This is my first time commenting here, but I wanted to share something with you. On Sunday our pastor talked about Grief and finding hope in the midst of it. Maybe it could help you find a little hope during this difficult time?
    You can listen here:
    http://gracechurchsc.org/search-teaching/?sermon_id=518

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  5. I have really no words to offer...only my love, support and prayers. May God surround you and wrap you in His love and comfort like only He can do!

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  6. My thoughts are with you Jenni.

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  7. One of my biggest fears, suddenly losing a grandparent. I'm so SO sorry for your loss, I'm sending prayers your way.

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  8. Such a fear of mine to lose a grandparent. Cried when I read this, I really feel for you. I also wanted to let you know, I bought the books for my own grandparents that you mentioned in the other post. Thank you for telling us about them.

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  9. Jenni -- I'm so sorry. I have thought about that before... the first few seconds you wake up and you're blissfully ignorant and then you remember. My Papa died unexpectedly (also a blood vessel bursting in his brain) on January 15th this year. It was awful, and my Gram will be celebrating Easter for the first time in 67 years without him on Sunday. I hope that your pain is replaced by love, and your anger by closeness with the people who you love who are feeling such sorrow too. Praying for you. -Elizabeth

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  10. I saw your instagram photo last night and my heart just sunk. And now - this morning, I'm literally holding back tears as I read your words because although I will never fully understand exactly how you feel, I remember feeling that sort of anger when my Grandma passed. How unfair it all is. And there's a million ways to justify it - they'll be in a better place, they lived a long life - but is never *really* does, does it?

    I'm thinking of you and sending over lots of love as you and your family grieve and try to heal through this difficult time. Take as much time as you need.

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  11. I was essentially raised by my grandparents, and the pain I felt when my grandfather passed was like the loss of a parent. My little sister believes that when she finds a penny heads up, it's from grandpa. That he's smiling down on us. Praying for comfort and peace as you navigate through this time.

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  12. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Jenni. Edd and your grandmother are together in heaven, looking down on you. You will have two angels walking beside you at all times. Stay strong! You are very, very loved.

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  13. I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my my great-grandmother last month. She was my very best friend. I understand you when you say that some people don't seem to understand how much we are grieving when we lose someone who is older. It hurts just as much. I'm thinking of you and your family today.

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  14. Jenni I'm so sorry for your loss and for your family. I can't imagine what you're feeling right now but my thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  15. sweet friend, i am so incredibly sorry for your loss. losing a grandmother is such a painful hurt, that it's hard to even describe unless you've been there and felt it. I am thinking of you and your family and sending you big hugs <3

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  16. You know Jenni, I debated about sending the song. I did. I listened to it on my way home from meeting with a friend last night, on repeat. and tears filled my eyes. thinking of my loss. thinking of how new loss was in your life, and I just felt it appropriate.

    oh how I wish I could just give you a hug.
    oh how I wish I could take you to the gym so you could punch a bag, if needs be.
    oh how I wish for peace to find you at rapid pace.

    you were the first thing I thought of this morning and the last thing I'll pray for tonight most likely.

    love. love. love.

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  17. Gosh I'm about to cry for you. It truly breaks my heart and angers me too over the ones who don't see how quickly life can be taken. How they take this time for granted and waste away days, months, years because they think they have 'plenty of time'. (personal demons..sorry)

    Your grandma's passing is proof how quickly things can change and I'm grieving with you, my friend. I pray you, your mom and your grandpa during all of this. I can't imagine this pain right now. :(

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  18. I'm so sorry. I also lost my grandmother suddenly, about a year and a half ago. We all lived in the Dallas area. She went to Portland on vacation with my aunt, got sick suddenly, and never came home. It is very different when it is unexpected. I hope you take all the time that you need.

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  19. Oh Jenni. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. I lost my grandma last year (at the age of 91) and my husband lost his grandpa last year, too, so we know what it feels like to lose beloved grandparents. I think the hardest part for me was seeing how sad my mom was. And seeing your parents suffer is such a strange thing, isn't it? Anyway, all that to say that I'm sorry for your loss and your pain. Here's to celebrating her memory with the things you will do in your life going forward.

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  20. Jenni, I am so sorry. I lost my Grandma suddenly in 2000, and I still miss her, 13 years later! Our older relatives bring so much richness to our lives. They have been there and they coax us along to be better than ourselves.

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  21. Jenni - again, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't tell you much this post is hitting home for me right now, and I am in tears reading it. I feel like I am right behind you, with my grandma being so sick, and wondering every day if we are going to get that phone call. It's just hard, and terrible. I'm thinking of you, and sending prayers your way. Take all the time you need to grieve...no one can tell you how to feel, or what is an appropriate amount of time to be sad. You do what feels right to you, and what will help you make it through. :)

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  22. I'm so sorry that you and your family have to go through this Jenni, this week especially. I lost my grandmother when I was 13, and she still sometimes comes in my dreams. It's hard- really, really hard. And while I think there will eventually be some comfort in knowing that she lived a great life and that you just had some time together, right now is probably too soon. You and your family (grandfather and mother especially) are all in my thoughts. <3

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  23. That is so tragic. I'm so sorry for your loss. She looked like a wonderful woman:)

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  24. I am so sorry, Jenni. Praying for you and your family.

    ~Tiffany
    http://tiffanyd22.blogspot.com

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  25. I am so so sorry for your loss and I cannot imagine the pain and grief that you are feeling.

    I am thinking of you xx

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  26. I'm so, so sorry for your loss! I tend to deal with loss with anger, too, and am struggling with it a bit right now in fact. It all just seems so unfair. Thinking of you and your family!

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  27. Thanks for this post, Jenni. I'm so very sorry about your grandma. My little brother (25) died unexpectedly the night before Thanksgiving. I know logically that millions of others deal with terrible loss everyday, but emotionally I really struggle with feeling like no one understands. It's so hard when everything around you keeps going forward, but you feel like your world has stopped. Thanks for this reminder that I'm not really as isolated and alone in grief as I feel so much of the time. I'll be praying for you and your family.

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  28. I'm SO sorry for your loss. It doesn't matter the age...it's about the person. Your grandma sounds like a wonderful lady. You are in my prayers!

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  29. Sending Virtual Hugs and Prayers for you and your family.

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  30. I'm so sorry for your loss. My grandma died suddenly about 14 years ago and I still struggle with having lost her.

    It seems even more unfair to have lost her so close to the anniversary of Edd's death. My heart aches for you and your mom. Your family is in my prayers. Take as much time as you need. If your family in Oregon needs anything, please let me know. It's a small state. :)

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  31. I am so very sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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  32. Oh Jenni, my heart goes out to you & your mum. An unexpected loss is always so difficult, your family is in my thoughts.

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  33. Sending you all my love and prayers! There's nothing I can say nor do to make this better or easier. All I know is that I've been angry and sometimes I still get angry because that's just how I feel. And your anger is a-okay. If there is anything that I can do, please let me know. Loss is hard and sucks, but I've been there, too many times, so I'm a simple good ear who won't judge or give my opinion. And that's a promise! Love from Connecticut!

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  34. So quick and so shocking. I am so sorry. Your family was on my mind yesterday and when you posted that your grandma passed, I teared up. I can only imagine the fear and pain you felt yesterday and the hurt you feel today. I am so sorry. Prayers, lots of them, still heading your way. (insert virtual shoulder to cry on... I'm no stranger to grandparents being sick... I wish I could give you a hug right now)

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  35. oh Jenni, I am so sorry for your loss. thinking of you today :( My grandfather passed away in January and I still feel as though I'm in mourning. I think no matter the age, the grief is the same.

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  36. Sorry for your loss. I'll be praying for you!

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  37. I am so sorry for you and your mom, I am crying for you ...

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  38. This breaks my heart to no end - that part about your mom's "two greatest fans" just broke me into pieces. I am so, so incredibly sorry for all of you.

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  39. I am so sorry for your loss. I think any sort of death is horrible and traumatic, and you're right that a long life doesn't make it any less so. So much love to you, and to your mum too. xx

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  40. So sorry, Jenni. I pray for strength for you and your family.

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  41. You are absolutely right, Jenni - a Loss is a Loss. I'm so so sorry for yours. I love this post and it brings some comfort to my troubled heart that has lost 2 Grandmothers in the last 4 years. I'm keeping your sweet Mother, You, Your Grandpa, and everyone else in your family in my thoughts and prayers. Such a sad loss... I'm sure she'll give Edd a big hug for you.

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  42. oh girl, so sorry to hear about your grandma. She seemed like an amazing person! Makes me so sad that you, your mom and your family have to go this grief again, just around Edd's passing :-( keeping all of you in my prayers and sending you lots of love! big hug!

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  43. Im so sorry Jenni! Your words are so beautiful! Praying for your family during this difficult time! xo

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  44. Oh, Jenni..... I am embracing you with hugs and love during this immensely difficult time. I know we're only virtual friends, but please know I am here for you. Your grandma was an AMAZING person. You are so lucky to have these memories of her. xoxoxoxoxo Noa

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  45. Oh, Jenni, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know words can provide only minimal comfort but I truly believe our loved ones never truly leave us. Though not here physically, your grandma will always be with you in spirit. Sending hugs and love to you and your family. xo

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  46. Jenny--I'm so sorry for your loss. Praying for your heart and your family!

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  47. yes, take some time off. i'm so sorry, jenni. it IS so unfair how this kind of stuff works out sometimes, and it just tears me to pieces. will be praying for you guys.

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  48. So so so sorry for your loss Jenni. I know there are no words that can help the pain you guys are feeling, I'll be praying for comfort to be sent your way.

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  49. Dear Jenni, I just had to come across and say how desperately sorry I am at the loss of your much loved Grandma. It's terrible when people go suddenly like that. I could say all the usual things, like she wouldn't have felt any pain, but it's dreadful for those left behind. I feel for your Grandpa, but even more for your dear mum, who has this awful anniversary to deal with, and has now been hit by the sudden death of her own mum. Prayers and heartfelt sympathy are with you all. Hugs.

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  50. I am so sorry for your loss. Feel however your heart desires as I know that helps with grief and allows for peace and understanding to arrive in due time. Many thoughts and prayers to you and your family!

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  51. I am so sorry jenni, even though i'm sure she had such an amazing life it is still okay to grieve for the time lost with her. I always thought my grandpa would be around forever, but unfortunately I lost him when I was still in high school and too young to really appreaciate him. A day doesn't go by that I don't regret spending more time with him. I'm going to try to spend more time with my grandma when I still have the time. SEnding so much love to you and your family.

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  52. So sorry for the loss of your beloved Grandma. What a difficult time this must be for your family. I hope you can find comfort in each other. <3

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  53. I am so so sorry for your loss. Sending you love and prayers.

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  54. My heart is broken for you I wish I could say something to ease your pain, this was me 5 years ago this July 4th. Your in my prayers!

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  55. I`m so sorry for your loss, and for your Mom and the rest of your family as well.

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  56. Oh Jenni, I am so sorry. This post just put me to tears. My husband and I both have one grandma left and while I am so grateful that they are still well enough to each live on their own, I'm not taking their presence in our lives for granted. Sending thoughts out to you and your mom!

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  57. Oh Jenni - I am so, so sorry for your loss. When I saw your mom's status about this the other night, my heart sank. "Mean" feels like a fitting word - I can imagine I would feel the same way. To lose her in March, along with the loss of Edd - this month will never be the same for either of you. My thoughts and prayers are with you all. <3

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  58. Sending a sweet prayer your way, Jenni. One of the best sympathy cards I have ever received was 6 Valentine's Days ago when my grandfather passed away. It read, "Think of them not as stars, but tiny openings in Heaven where I loved ones look down, letting us know they are okay."

    XOX

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  59. Crying tears with you today. Hope you're finding some rest and peace. Praying for you, your mom, and your grandfather right now.

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  60. So sorry for you, Jenni. You will absolutely be in my thoughts, as will your grandma. I know that she's looking down on you, and that she's always there for you. Take care of yourself and your family.

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  61. thinking of you love and sending virtual hugs!

    xo the egg out west.

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  62. This blows real hard. I'm sorry for your loss. I thought about my grandma just yesterday. We lost her 12 years ago and I still miss her. I miss her not being at my wedding, meeting my husband or my children. Just yesterday I longed for how lovely it would have been for to come over for a cup of tea and hang out with me & my kids. Even though I miss her for my mom and for me ...I know she is with us. My daughter dreamt of her recently and described her to a tee... I cried with happieness that my 'nani' came to play with my kids. For the next few days....just remember to breathe.

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  64. I'm so sorry for your loss Jenni, your Grandma sounds like an amazing woman. Sending prayers your way..

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  65. So sorry for your loss, Jenni.
    It's never easy to lose someone you love.
    Think of happier times.

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  66. I'm so sorry to hear this news. Thoughts and prayers headed your way.

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  67. Dear Jenni,

    I'm so so sorry about your loss. Tears rolled down my eyes as I read your entry, especially the part about the wonderful hugs your grandma would give you. Her eyes sparkled with so much life, joy, and kindness. You are so much like her in that way. A good friend once told me that your loved one is even closer to you now than when they were alive because they are residing close in your heart. You will keep her memory alive every time your actions reflect what she has taught you. The next time you give someone those special hugs
    that make them feel completely loved, just remember that grandma is still very much alive through you.

    Janet

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  68. So sorry Jenni. Your family has such a wealth of love and caring...a beautiful legacy of your Grandmother's, I'm sure.
    Prayers and love...please pass them along to your sweet Momma.
    Loves~

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  69. i am so sorry for your loss. i have tears welling up in my eyes and i remember the sadness all too well losing my grandma last year. i still miss her every single day. and still shed tears just wishing she could be here to know my son. i swear i could feel the hug she gave you through your words. i'm so very sorry. and my heart just breaks for your mom too. my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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  70. beautiful post Jenni.

    I too lost my grandma semi-suddenly, and she too was part of my WHOLE life, one of my best friends and like your mom said, biggest fans. I got a tattoo in her honor :) Grandma's are amazing, and just as amazing as they watch over us in heaven.

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  71. oh jenni - so so sorry. i lost both of my grandmas in long drawn out, I can emotionally prepare, type of situations and it was hard. but, my grandpa died all of a sudden and that was like getting the wind knocked out of me. i guess you just don't ever expect something like this to be sudden. my thoughts are with you. xoxo

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  72. oooooh sweet Jenni! I get this. I do I do I do. There are no words, only time and hope for the "something more" that this life doesn't offer. Hope you and your family feel boundless amounts of love in the days to come! xoxo

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  73. Sorry for your loss, Jenni. My grandmother passed away in much the same way back in November, without warning or with any time to prepare. It's been horrible and to be honest, four months later, it's still pretty horrible. I miss her terribly. I'll be thinking of you. xx

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  74. My heart breaks for you. I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and sending you well wishes! xo

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  75. My heart breaks for your loss, sweet Jenni. I cannot even imagine, nor do I want to, the pain you are feeling right now. I am very close to my grandparents. I speak to my mama at least once a day. I cry whenever I think about losing them. I am praying for your family.

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  76. Hi there - not sure I've ever commented on your blog but I just couldn't help but let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers (as is the rest of your family). Loss is so gut wrenching no matter if its sudden or drawn out, whether the person is young or has lived a long life. It's so hard and that's what your family and friends are there for...for you to lean on. I lost my sweet Nanny (that's what we called my Grandma) on Mother's Day several years ago. We had a beautiful Mother's Day breakfast at her favorite spot with all of the family and a few hours later she suffered a major heart attach and was gone from us. I miss her everyday.
    Just wanted you to know that a new friend from VA knows what you are going through and is sending hugs your way.

    Jayme @ Her Late Night Cravings

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  77. Oh Jenni, I'm so sorry for your loss, last year when I lost my stepdad Billy you were there giving me some really great words of comfort that I still think of from time to time. I am now walking around the hole I used to fall in with grief and sadness. Billy's death was a shock, he was also in great health like your grandma and it still somewhat shakes me that he was taken sooner than we were all ready. But, I will say that it has all taught me to live my life the best way I can everyday and make the most out of every situation and relationship I've got because today could be my last day as well. I'm so glad you got to see your grandma not too long ago, cherish all of the good memories you can, they are yours forever, along with the place for your grandma in your heart. I made a video of one of my favorite trips with Billy, I still go back in my posts to watch it, and it fills me with the happiest of tears :)

    Sending lots and lots of love from Houston to you and your family <3 <3 <3!

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  78. Oh my gosh I'm so sorry for your loss. All my grandparents have passed away, I lost the grandmother I was closest to when I was 12 and I still miss her 18 years later. We lives hours from her and I only got to see her a few times a year but i have such great memories of the time we spent together. She had polio and heart problems, I know she's in a better place but I wish she could have been at my graduation, wedding, and could have met my baby boy. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers, I know how painful it is to lose someone who means so much to you.

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  79. I'm really sorry for your loss! My condolences!

    Also: sometimes it does seem really, really unfair and I think that feeling angry or any feelings you have are valid. But also... I think that maybe it's all about the perspective that you see things from. It's terribly sad to lose someone, especially unexpectedly -- but the fact that their loss means anything signifies their impact on your life. Meaning: what a gift to be celebrated. The fact that they were in your life so long, with such an amazingly powerful and loving presence. Some people don't get even that. Life is unfair, but how great is it that you got to grow up and know your grandparents? This is not to lay a guilt trip but just to say that your pain is happening now because you loved and were loved -- and how awesome is that? And even if you don't create new memories, you still have the old ones to live in your heart forever. Love doesn't die, even if people's bodies do.

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  80. My Husband's grandmother died yesterday, also! So I know what you're feeling this week! Sending prayers your way!

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  81. Thinking of you Jenni and sending happy thoughts and prayers. She will always be with you!

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  82. So very, very sorry -- sending love and hugs your way. Your gram just radiated light and sweetness. xo

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  83. my heart is in piece for you jenni. i am so, so sad and sorry for your loss. a big hug to you and your family.

    my heart and prayers of comfort to you and your family.

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  84. i can't stop crying Jenni. i feel your pain so much, it hurts so bad. it's unfair, so unfair

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  85. I'm so sorry, Jenni. Reading this post is difficult for so many reasons, but more importantly because I've been thinking of you and your family, knowing how hard things must be these days with Edd's anniversary on the horizon...and now, this.
    I've been reading your blog long enough to recognize your sweet Grandmother from the pictures you've posted in the last few years, and reading this post about her sudden passing is just heartbreaking. I'm so sad for you, for your family and for your Mom. I understand your desire to take time off from blogging to just process everything that you're going through---take as much time as you need.
    I know there isn't much that anyone can say to ease the pain of losing a loved one, and yes, it seems especially cruel that life would dish this out right near the one-year anniversary of Edd's passing. I don't blame you for feeling angry on your Mom's behalf; this shit sucks. I know it sounds trite when people pass on their condolences under the pretense of ..."at least she...(insert rationalization here)", so I won't say any of that, because I know that even though the message is delivered with the best of intentions, it doesn't help. All I can say is this: I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sorry you're hurting, I'm sorry for what this means for your grandfather and I'm so very, very sorry for your sweet Mom. Your family has been through so much in the span of a year and it makes me so sad for you all.
    I'm praying for all of you, that you will again be comforted in the coming days and feeling His grace, His peace and His strength. As hard as it might be to see or feel this in your grief, I pray that you know He is there..
    Thinking of you. Love you, sweet friend. xoxo

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  86. What an amazing lady. This post is a wonderful and poignant celebration of your Grandma. I've been thinking of you heaps this week. Massive hugs at this difficult time xx

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  87. I am so sorry for your loss sweet girl. I have been there too. Still am. May God Bless your family.
    Cortne
    cocoinmagnolia.com

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  88. Oh no! I am sooo sorry! Grandmas are such an integral part of life, especially as women. So incredible that you saw her recently and she was especially loving and intimate. Not to mention your writing was present in the most vulnerable of times. Genuine love. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers doll!
    Adrienne

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  89. Jenni - I am so sorry to hear of your loss. After I graduated high school I lived with my grandma for 6 years. It makes me so sad to think at any moment, anything can happen. and it really took my breath away when you said "I took her for granted. Never thought she'd go this soon.", because it's true, you just never know. I wish you, and your mom, and the rest of your family, the best.

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  90. I am so sorry, Jenni. My heart is broken for you. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

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  91. Sweet friend- May God wrap you in His arms of comfort and peace. Praying for your entire family daily. What a beautiful, inspiring woman you we're blessed with!

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  92. Your grandma was so beautiful! I'm sorry you feel robbed of another amazing family member. Life has a way of hitting us with low blows from time to time, and this is one of those low ones... but you are resilient and I'm praying that God will cover you with His love and peace in the midst of all the hurt and unanswered questions you may have.
    I think it's so so sweet that your mom found one of your posts on your grandma's counter.
    It's proof she was proud of having been featured on her granddaughter's blog. =)
    Sending a HUGE hug your way and praying that your family will grow closer and stronger through this rough time.

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  93. It's truly incredible the connection you have with your grandma. I have one quite similar, and I know that when I lose her, it will be difficult. It doesn't matter how long you have someone in your life, there is never enough time you can spend with them. We are always left wanting one more hug, one more laughing bout, one more reassuring phone call. You will be in my prayers Jenni. I know that this must be difficult, but with your family as a support system, you can all help each other. Please know that your readers are sending lots of love your way!

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  94. I'm so sorry Jenni! That's so sad news to hear, and I hope your family is getting through it the best way they can right now. Although I know there is no getting through it, not really, and that makes it all the more sad.
    Sending lots of support your way, and good thoughts to you, and to your family.

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  95. You have a beautiful Grandma. I think it's awesome that you had such a wonderful relationship with her. I'm sorry for your loss. :(

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  96. I love that song absolutely great they should play it on more online radio stations

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  97. Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear this. And I don't think age can affect how you feel about the loss of a person, it's all about what they meant to you. Keep writing posts about her, she'd like that.

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  98. I know this is late, but I'm so sorry for your loss Jenni. I hope you and your family find peace and comfort during this difficult time.

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  99. Oh Jenni, I'm holding back tears for you and your mom right now. Loss is loss. Nothing about it is fair or easy. It does seem so unnecessarily cruel that you and your mom are going through this near a sorrowful anniversary. I hope you find some peace in one of my favourite verses: 2 Corinthians 1:4.

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