November 29, 2012

Meet Bonnie.

You guys. I have a very special guest post for you today, by a girl who is fast becoming one of my favorite reads here in Blog Land. And a blog doesn't get added to my Bloglovin' reader very lightly, mind you, so she must be scintillating. Bonnie agreed to write a little guest post for me while I'm out editing pictures like a crazy person... it's a busy time of year for family photography, and I have been blessed to work with lots of amazing families. :)

Below are a few words from Bonnie, and I hope you'll go over to her blog for more quality reading when you're done here. Enjoy!

* * * * *

Why hello there.

The name is Bonnie Blackburn Larsen and writing nonsense is my game.  Sometimes I get in trouble for what I write, but that's just the way the cookie crumbles.  The husband's name is Greg and I've been told I would be a fool for letting the internet Gods know my husband's name because now they can steal our identities and invade our home, GASP!  Therefore, to protect us from cyber devils and because it seems somehow hip I have named him Hubs.  I pride myself on originality.

This is me in my very sexiest form.  I look like this about 0.0021% of my life.  Maybe less.

This is me in my ugliest form- dressed up as Voldemort for midnight Harry Potter premieres. 

I just felt like from the get go you needed to know me in my best and worst forms.  Just know that usually I am somewhere in the middle of those two extremities, but creeping over more into the Voldemort side, no doubt.

If you are still interested in me, (oh this sounds so romantic!) you have a couple of options from here.

Option #1: I've noticed Jenni is a jack of many trades.  She's always looking smoking hot, she takes fabulous pictures, and she even knows how to cook!  There is so much we can learn from her!  Then I thought to myself, Heck!  I know how to do a lot of stuff too!  Like make teenagers hate me and burn dinner!  Keep reading where I will give you the best darn How-to guide you have ever seen.  Trust me, you're going to want to read up.
Option #2: Visit my blog where you may read all my rambling to your heart's content.  You might wanna check out this post which will give you a very personal, loving tour of the blog and a guide to the greatest posts- the romantic ones about my Hub-a-dubs, the ones about teaching high school to bratty teenagers, and even the scandalous ones.
Option #3:  Both of the above.

(Pick #3!  Pick #3)

Let's dive right in, shall we?

HOW TO:
Paint your toenails.
Take off all old nailpolish.
Clip nails if necessary.
Put on fresh nail polish.
Put a clear coat on the top to make it shiny. If that's what you're in to.
Don't put socks on until they're dry.
The last step is the most important- trust me on this one!

HOW TO:
Do laundry.
Throw clothes in washing machine.
Whites in one pile.
Darks in the other.
OR
Wash them in cold water and wash them all together.
When you hear the buzzer, move the clothes to the dryer.
Turn it on.
When the buzzer goes off again the clothes are done.
Oh.
I forgot to tell you to add detergent.
Add it to the washer, not the dryer.
That could be bad.
You can find detergent at any grocery store.


HOW TO:
Get seventeen year olds to like  you.
Get a twitter account
Make fun of the other teachers with them.
Shop at Forever 21.
Say something borderline inappropriate every once in a while.

HOW TO:
Get seventeen year olds to hate you.
Take away their cell phones.
Write them up for truancies when they leave class five minutes early.
Yell at them in front of the class when they do something out of line.
Send them to the principal's office when they drop the f bomb.

HOW TO:
Make dinner.
OPTION A
Chop an onion and fry it up.
Add meat to it.  Chicken or beef usually.
Twirl your spice rack thing around chosing at random which spices you want.  You really can't go wrong!
Cook until it smells burned.
Microwave a potato for ten minutes.
Eat potato with meat.

OPTION B
Order a pizza from Papa John's.
$10.76.
Feeds two people for two meals

HOW TO:
Seduce your man.
Cook dinner (I would suggest option B in this post.  Option A doesn't always turn out.)
Wear perfume
Laugh at everything he says
Tell him you will watch whatever he wants for the rest of the night.
Tell him his muscles are looking bigger.
Works every time.
Guaranteed.



HOW TO:
Love your life.
Don't take it too seriously.
Say thank you.
Take a bubble bath if you feel stressed.
Remember everybody's got probs.
Dye your hair if you feel so inclined.
Look in the mirror and repeat: "I am a sexy mama, I am a sexy mama, I am a sexy mama."

Just kidding about that last one.

Please.
Who would ever do that?

There you go folks!  You're not going to find much better advice than that on the whole world wide web, so you might as well hop on over to Life of Bon for more incredibly insightful advice.  Or for a laugh.  Whatever floats your boat, people. 

See you soon?

11 comments:

  1. Very cute post!
    www.fashionizelife.com

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  2. oh my goodness i love her! off to check her blog now! thanks for having her here today, jenni! and good luck with editing! :-)

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  3. Um, loving Bonnie. Adding her blog to BlogLovin'! Thanks for sharing her talents with us, Jenni!

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  4. It's so good to see Bonnie on your blog, Jenni! I love her. And this post cracked me up. That Voldemort costume??? PRICELESS.

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  5. I don't remember how I came across Bon last month, but I'm a fan too!

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  6. Jenni, I always take your recommendations seriously. I know you'd never endorse someone who wasn't AWESOME. And Bonnie sounds pretty fantastic. Going to check out her blog right now! :)

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  7. She's fabulous and I'm so glad you shared!!
    Good luck editing :)

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  8. She seems like a fun girl. I like her sense of humor. Have to check out her blog now!

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  9. What a lovely post and a beautiful girl. I'm off to check out her blog right now. Happy Friday!
    http://shannonhearts.blogspot.com/

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  10. She seems absolutely hilarious, definitely checking out her blog!

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  11. Lol, awww. I love Bonnie so much! Her seduction tips rule.

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Thanks so much for leaving your two cents! I read and appreciate every comment and respond when I can. Thanks for reading. :)

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